"I am what I am"

Six months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Carson Thomas Miller.    The process of being pregnant and going through labor was by far the most extraordinary, super-natural experience of my life.   To have a being created inside of you is almost unimaginable.....  Throughout my pregnancy I had feedback from several outside sources that my life would change in remarkable and unsuspecting ways.   And, it has.    As my previous blogs have alluded to this process has been a drastic shift in my identity.   My self-reference as a working, independent woman has been put to the test.    And for this I am grateful.  

As a coach I work with my clients to discover their truest Self.   I help them become more anchored in who they are in the world, what they stand for and what they most value.    I help them grasp the idea that there is more to who they are in the world than playing the role of CEO or stay-at-home-mom.    And of course, as the saying goes, we often teach what we need to learn most ourselves.     Today I am in the seat of discovering who I am in the world amongst all the roles that I play - some new, some familiar.   This is extremely hard to do without judgment as I find there is a lot of credence given to titles and accomplishments.   Additionally, it's hard to stay clear from falling in the trap of living by others' rules or beliefs.    What is MY way of doing things?   What is MY way of being in the world as a wife, mommy, coach, friend and daughter amongst other roles....?     

While I don't have all the answers to the questions above, here is what I do know.... so far.  That I get more satisfaction from being loving, kind and patient to my husband and baby than accomplishing one of my many to-do's (in an attempt to feel accomplished)   That the most important things to a baby are that they be fed, played with, held and given rest.   And that what is not important to a baby are things like my 'title', my paycheck, my outfit or hairstyle or the kind of car I drive.   And, last how very important that this time be acknowledged for what it is (a MAJOR transition) which requires compassion and tolerance toward myself and others AND that this time be CELEBRATED as a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn from my amazing teachers, Carson and Danny.    There is such richness in this time of transition - it's a time to be curious, selfless, open and willing.      All this to say .....maybe (probably) the satisfaction wont come from the title I give myself but rather the way I choose to show up to my responsibilities that I HAVE CREATED for myself.  

This is not a time to be a martyr but instead be grateful and patient.     To have my own family is a long time dream now actualized....    what a miracle.     I've prayed many nights for this reality.    And of course, as with any dream comes the responsibility to manage and accept the new circumstance/s that have become a reality.    A word to the wise, be intentional and 'careful' about what you pray for....  it just may come true! :)    
 Thanks to my loving husband and sweet baby for being patient with mama as she gets her grove in this new, extraordinary phase of life.  

Here's to knowing thyself in the midst of the myriad of roles we all play.

Blessed and grateful,
Nikki