Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Thoughts, Feelings, Actions

I love the saying your thoughts are your thoughts, your feelings are your feelings but ACTIONS are YOUR LIFE! How true this is, at least for me. In the end, doesn't it always come back to the question of "what did I do?" If I let my thoughts or feelings run the show - which I have and occasionally still do, I end up feeling disappointed and unmotivated instead of energized and motivated. I often refer to the analogy of going to the gym. It's so easy for me convince myself that I don't feel 'good enough' to go or that it's not 'that' high of a priority considering all the other items on my to-do list. It's not until I overwrite these thoughts and feelings, get myself dressed and get on the machine at the gym that I begin to experience the benefit that comes from exercising - feeling fit, energized and focused.

I was just complimenting my husband recently because even when it's pouring rain and miserable out he takes action and shows up to meetings he has committed to attending (even when it means getting soaked). I respect this and strongly desire to have this become an innate part of my nature. For some reason I was built with strong negotiating skills which in some cases comes in handy. However, when I find myself negotiating against myself - what my heart and gut KNOW would be good for me I have to be careful that I don't convince myself to stop, quit or cancel. This internal negotiator REALLY likes convenience and comfort. And, to live a fulfilling life, I believe it's crucial to SHOW UP no matter what (assuming I've committed to someone else or myself - obviously there are legitimate reasons for not showing up - but these are the exception, not the norm) I find that when some discomfort and/or risk are involved in an action I take, I find myself EVEN MORE energized after showing up because I just pushed against a limitation I internally set for myself ..... and I WON - not the limiting belief or voice!

My son has been a wonderful teacher in this area in that he is completely dependent upon me for everything, including having new experiences. Some days I just don't 'feeeeel' like getting everything together (bottles, diaper bag, etc, etc...) to get out and go do something. I'm learning that when I do it anyways I always, always feel better - and so does he! It seems to shift both of us in mood and energy. In this case I am responsible for giving my son new experiences and opportunities to learn ..... there is a lot riding on whether I choose to take action. I no longer get to be selfish and subscribe to my mood and comfort zone.

Positive begets positive. Action motivates more action. Positive results stimulate a stronger appetite for more action!!

Go forth and take action!


Tuesday, March 20, 2012


It's been quite a long time since I've written - a newsletter, a blog post.... much of anything really. This is partially due to having a 4.5 month old and prior to that 9 months of pregnancy (obviously) - AND it's partially due to a strange resistance and insecurity of what to write. So, I've decided NOW it's time. As my husband recently reminded me, anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

So much has happened in the past year and a half..... where to begin? Let's start with the obvious - I've moved (recently to Marin), got married and had a baby - ALL major life changing events in their own right. It's wild - one minute I'm single living with a roommate, dating on (wondering, praying, hoping that SOMEDAY I'd meet Mr. Right.....) and the next I'm living a dream thinking who's life is this?!!

Each of these three amazing changes are teaching me more than I could have ever imagined (or bargained for). My husband is teaching me about how to be patient and accepting of others, amongst other things :). Clearly, I have ideas of how thing should be done and the pace at which they should be done ..... and I'm learning that my time line is NOT that of everyone elses.... how disappointing for me. AND it's the hard truth so I need to be OK with it or I will have NO serenity. And furthermore, it's quite annoying to others (my husband) when I am trying to manage his life and his choices. Right Danny? ; )

Moving has taught me first and foremost, that I LOVE Marin - it's exactly where I'm / we're meant to be right now! Since we've moved into a significantly larger home I'm learning to 'explore' my taste - which I've not necessarily had the opportunity to do living in the matchboxes I've lived in in San Francisco. I'm having to ask myself "What kind of wall hangings do I enjoy, what color schemes do I like, how do you decorate a babies room..... etc ?" It's both very exciting and sometimes completely overwhelming. I can see why people hire interior decorators! Anyone, anyone? It's so interesting that this is bringing up my insecurity..... it reminds me of that book - What Color Is Your Parachute? BIG decisions that in the long run .... are NOT that big of a deal..... but I sure can make it big! Hopefully, I can remind myself to stay curious rather than judgmental and hyper-critical. We can always redecorate next year - NOT!

And last but certainly not least being a new mommy has put me to the ultimate test. What does it mean to have someone COMPLETELY dependent on me?!! I'm an only child with a frequent case of "princess-itus". Needless to say I've been quite independent and bold about asking for what I need. Now - I find myself having to be attentive, loving, giving (like I've never given before) and generous with my time/energy. It's amazing that the days I think there is NO way I can do this today ..... then, I do it. Somehow the energy comes..... maybe it comes with being a mommy - I have no idea. There is truly nothing more humbling than when you are peed, pooped and spit up on all in one sitting! As a good friend of mine reminded me it is the hardest job you will ever love! Needless to say, Carson, Danny and I are all finding our rhythm - one day at a time! I have a feeling Carson (our 4.5 month old) will be one of my best teachers. He is beautiful, ambitious, smiley and very communicative - to say the least.

This has all been quite a journey - and quite challenging to my former identity ..... one that is gradually changing and evolving into something/someone I still don't completely recognize.

More on that later......

Signing off,