Sunday, October 4, 2009

How good can you stand it?

How often do you let yourself dream? And, when you do, how big are you 'allowed' to imagine your life becoming? Do you hold yourself back from dreaming the 'seemingly impossible' by reminding yourself to be 'realistic'? What IS realistic anyways? I was recently coaching a client on her level of satisfaction with her job - we'd been down this road before and she decided that the best thing to do then was to stay put (she was convinced that this was her only choice EVEN with us exploring other possibilities). This time around she meekly said, "my company makes me feel like a loser." I asked her to explain what that meant.... she went on to say that she never felt enough. There was always more to do and she spent much of her time just trying to keep up. She also said she felt like she was easily replaceable which kept her trying even harder to prove herself.

I was curious about this notion that 'her company' made her feel bad about herself. I had a hunch that this 'feeling' she was experiencing was something that was old ...... a belief that was much deeper than what was happening within her company. When I probed a bit more she revealed that her mother used to get upset when she came home with a 99% instead of a 100% - it was made clear that she was 'missing the mark'. The lasting impact of the disappointment that was displayed to my client was and is that she will not ever be 'enough'.

This feeling of 'not-enoughism' clouds over every choice my client makes. When I ask her about her dreams she is barely able to tell me something she'd love to have, do or achieve without finishing the sentence with a reason why it's not possible, too hard, unrealistic or out of reach. There is usually a "BUT" at the end of the sentence with an excuse to follow. Now, I'm absolutely NOT knocking this client in any way for her way of thinking..... it has been ingrained in her from an early age that she wasn't enough which translates into a variation of "I don't deserve." If you're given a message enough times, you WILL begin to believe it - whether it comes from 'out there' or yourself.... it becomes true. And, in my clients case, it started 'out there' and is now an internal dialogue that prevents my client from letting herself take risks, boldly dream and give herself permission to have what she REALLY wants in her life.

Can you relate? I sure can. Dreaming BIG is not for sissies..... it requires consistent committment to dreaming, visualizing what you want and putting forth action to move you forward.... and, most imporant, believing that you are worthy to have your dreams come true! It's easy to get 'lazy' and accept whatever life sends your way - settling for mediocrity and accepting that this is as good as it will get..... believing that this is as much as you deserve. I ask .....why not dream of achieving the impossible? Why not dream of having that big, beautiful, spaceous kitchen you've always wanted? Ask yourself - who says you can't have it? Is it you or someone else? Who says you can't write a book, become a millionaire or meet the most incredible partner? If there is someone in your life who is telling you that you cannot have these things, then by all means, stop sharing your dreams with them! The ONLY difference between you and the person who has written the book, danced on stage, become the millionaire or married the person they'd always envisioned is that they were committed to their dream. They showed up and took the steps to achieve what they envisioned and SO CAN YOU!!

Remember, 'security' is an attachment to something temporary.... it's actually playing small, not big. People, places and things come and go ..... So, why stay with anything or any person that is not fulfilling one of your dreams or leading you to your next?

Dream the impossible ...... and then watch yourself achieve it.

Here's to a vivid imagination! :)


1 comment:

  1. Awesome, Nikki. Came at the right time. Dreaming of a PhD after relevant work experience, then my own firm in individual development with a research basis. Multi-millionaire, house in the Berkeley Hills, and that unbelievably wonderful wife that I love to pieces.