Ok - so I'm long overdue for a blog ... I've officially started (and stopped) at least 6 blog entries only to talk myself out of sending it out and making it public. I've had a case of the "it's not good enough's" lately - specifically pertaining to my writing. It's funny, I'm starting to understand a bit more about the world of a writer.... it's a bit like meditation. You just have to make a commitment do it no matter what - whether you feel like it or not. For me meditation is sometimes amazing and other times it just is .... blah. The point is that I have to take the action and do it everyday - no matter what. For me, I know that meditation is what grounds me - without it I'm a spinning top (even more of one than I can be WITH meditation). I certainly don't do it perfectly - sometimes my head is obsessed about something, other times I feel fidgety and want to get up and move around.... and then there is that occassional sit when it's absolutely peaceful and calming. It makes it ALL worth while. This is how I'm experiencing writing. I may write several pages - blogs, newsletters, pages to my book and they may be 'average' at best .... and then, there is that one blog entry that knocks it out of the ball park. Its not that that one entry took any more effort, in fact often times it happens that the best writing flows easily, effortlessly and quickly. However, it is because I've banked the other times of sitting, writing and practing..... very imperfectly practicing.
It's funny, I was JUST talking about perfection with a coaching client recently and what an extraordinarily high bar it is to hold for herself (or anyone else for that matter). I've personally struggled with the dis-ease of 'perfection-itis' myself for much of my life - wanting to be thin, beautiful, smart, organized, funny, financially successful - and always thinking that I 'should' be somewhere I wasn't. Over time and with ALOT of help (i.e. self-help books, faith, therapy, twelve-step work and a lot of support from friends) I've let go of having to be 'perfect' in many ways...... however, I am noticing it slipping into my writing. Perfectionism shows up in all sorts of sneaky ways as it's not as overt as it used to be. Where the voice of perfectionism used to say things like "that sounds dumb ... forget it", it now says things like "I've got other things I need to do or I need a break". I'm starting to clue in that that voice is just giving me some lame excuses and distractions so I don't have to sit with the discomfort of imperfect thinking, writing, self-expression. Writing is one place I have to sit down, focus and stay the course. It's very tempting to get up and clean the house, cook food, run errands, get on the phone, etc.... not as comfortable, but much more rewarding to sit, write, think, reflect and produce something that allows me to express myself.
I have a new commitment to you and myself - NO MATTER WHAT I will write twice a week - blog, newsletter or pages to my book no matter if it's great, lame, inspiring, generic, creative, flowing or choppy. It's about the practice - and as a great coach once said to me, "you get good at whatever you practice." I'd like to become great at writing..... so here's to practicing! And my challenge to you is to do that 'thing' that you've been putting off until you're in the 'right mood' or have the 'right thoughts' about .... and just go do it - however imperfect it is - just do it. Wouldn't it be a relief to give yourself permission to be imperfectly human? After all, that is what we are.
Here's to being imperfectly perfect!
Love to you,